Domestic Oblivion


Mystery #2283711
September 10, 2010, 9:56 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I am continually mystified as to how things end up where I find them in my house.  I would never say Chez Star is spotless, but basic home hygiene is important to me.  I’ve even tried to pass that along to my children.  You know, the bottom of the barrel basic sort of stuff, like, I don’t know, don’t throw garbage on the floor.  Or chewed gum.  Or dirty socks.

It’s not rocket science (or so I used to think).

And yet, at least once per week I am perplexed and astounded by something I’ve found.  Something that at least one person in this house thinks is OK.  Something that makes me think that I’ve been raising holographs, and my actual physical children have lived in a cave for most of their existence.

Here’s what I found in a corner in the living room this morning:

2 candy wrappers

1 wash cloth

1 wooden nine pins ball (covered in sticky candy goo)

1 white rock

2 dead batteries

1 matched pair of dirty socks

an empty tic tac container

2 pieces of a sponge

AND

Cutter’s 2nd grade ID card (he’s in 7th grade this year)

I am neither making this up OR exaggerating.  AND?  I cleaned that particular corner last weekend.  To which I believe the proper response would be “holy shit”.  And I would agree.



Awesome Teenage Observation
July 29, 2010, 8:39 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Says Mason after his dad takes him to see Karate Kid:

“It must be really hard to be ninja in a country of ninjas.”



Girl Nuts
July 3, 2010, 8:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

With pubescent and pre-teen kids, there are lots of questions floating around Chez Star regarding human development and sex.  And god bless Davie-O’s little half developed heart…..he’s trying so hard to actually answer those questions when I’m not around and he can’t exit the room unnoticed.

Sometimes, though, the answers are lacking.

Like this explanation I overheard yesterday.

“Well, I know it’s confusing and it all just looks like one big cow skull (referring to a drawing of the female reproductive system), but ovaries are really just girl nuts.”

I sincerely apologize in advance to the women who become involved with my sons.  Please believe when I say I tried my best, but had many, many forces working against me.



All Set For Summer
June 3, 2010, 10:04 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

One more day of school left.  Well, technically, there are two days left, but the children of Chez Star shall not be attending the last day of school.  Nope, I thought instead they would like an adventure that includes getting on an airplane and being left with grandparents for 10 days.  Or, as Mason counts it, being gone for 10 dinners.

Turns out, apparently, this fun filled, 10 dinner adventure does not make up for the fact that they will miss the last day of school.  Which, isn’t really even a day.  It’s 4 1/2 hours.  And, because lots of people miss this day, there aren’t even any parties.  But they’re still all mad about it.  Even the kid who doesn’t like school.

And, truly?  I don’t care.

Why?

Because after I haul their ungrateful little asses ALL the way to Houston, I’m leaving them for a fun filled week with their grandparents, while I eat my way through the French Quarter and Garden District of New Orleans. 

Simply.  Cannot.  Wait.

Also?  Taking a 4 hour voodoo walking tour.

And?  Eating beignets EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

Further?  I took my personal shopper out with me yesterday, and I am now the proud owner of an entire new summer wardrobe.  Due to the fact that my personal shopper is totally and completely awesome, my 4 pairs of shorts, 11 shirts, 1 skirt, 2 pairs of shoes AND new bra?  Yeah, they cost $223.

So, to recap:  I will be looking marvelous while I’m eating and walking my way through NOLA for 7 days.  Without my children.

Clearly, I am all set for summer.

And due to a communication breakdown, the kids can look forward to working their way through the 600 Otter Pops in my freezer upon their return.



Bless Your Hearts
May 27, 2010, 11:05 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Some of you may have noticed that I’ve been somewhat lacking in the blogging department for a  while.

OK.  I kind of sort of completely disappeared for 2 months.

And while I was away, I discovered something about myself.

I started this blog as a way to help cope with stress in my life, and it helped immensely.  But now I’m finding that when I really feel buried by stress, the idea of writing freaks me out even more.

So, yes, it can be inferred from the previous statement that the past 2 months have been stressful.  If you’ve been stopping by for a while, you’ll know that Chez Star is rife with “issues”.  We’ve got Asperger’s, ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression and a 13 year old.  Living here is definitely not for the faint of heart.

If you happen to live in a house with “issues”, you’ll know that sometimes things run smoothly and everyday life makes you feel lucky.  You will also know that that can change very quickly, leaving you feeling like you’re standing there watching the train wreck.

As a parent, it’s gut wrenching and horrible to watch one of your children go through one of these train wreck episodes.  This time it was Bowman, and watching him struggle to make it through a day ripped my heart into pieces every single day.  He has stabilized, and while it’s not smooth sailing yet, things are much better than they were.

And now  I’m looking down the barrel of summer vacation.  Don’t get me wrong; I actually LIKE summer vacation.  I like having the kids around all day, adhering to a casual schedule.  I like eating dinner late.  I love it when the kids play outside after dinner.  I love hanging out at the pool, playing cards and sneaking adult beverages with my lady friends. The problem lies in the fact that I  have two children who do NOT like summer vacation.  For them, summer break is something to be tolerated and endured until school starts up again. These children would love nothing more than to attend school all year long, so that the routine never, ever, ever changes.  Summer is a struggle for them, which makes me sort of sad.

**sigh**

In other news, I have started a Personal Improvement Program (PIP).  I have decided that I’m tired of feeling squishy, and no amount of laying about and eating bonbons was going to change that.  Of course, I had a list of rules for my PIP:

  1. Working out cannot take more than an hour, which means no commuting to a gym or studio.
  2. I refused to purchase ANYTHING.
  3. I had to be able to do it alone.

I settled on the Beach Body Insanity workout.  Thanks to friends, I didn’t have to purchase the DVDs.  I could do it alone, in my family room, and all the workouts are less than 60 minutes.  I also decided to intersperse swimming into the program, since the neighborhood pools have opened.

Now on day 5 of my PIP, and here are a few thoughts:

  1. All I want right now is to finish a workout without feeling like I could be potentially maimed from said workout.
  2. If you need motivation to continue working out, put on a wetsuit and take a good, hard look in a full length mirror. Don’t forget to look at the back for added inspiration.
  3. The right music makes all the difference.
  4. The guy, Sean T, from  the videos, makes me want to punch a kitten.

Much more, I’m sure, on the PIP as summer progresses.

Also?  Every child in my house is mad at me for making them miss the last day of school.  I thought that getting on an airplane and going on a cool adventure would make up for missing the last 4.5 hours of school in which nothing school-like would actually happen, but I could not have been more wrong.

And, if any of you have any suggestions for what to do and where to eat in New Orleans, I’d love to have them. Because that’s where I’m going, without my children.

OH!  And I’m going to the Psychedelic Furs concert.  AND I will reluctantly admit that I will be attending the Lady Gaga concert in August, and although I don’t usually attend concerts of that nature, I am completely looking forward to the experience.

Bless your little hearts for hanging around while I checked out for a while.  Next time I think I’ll educate you on “depth of plunge”.  Davie-O has spent the last week completely obsessed with it.  Oh, stop being dirty!  It’s Davie-O’s latest in a long line of obsessions, and has to do with computer keyboards.  You know you want to know more,,,,



That Bites
March 16, 2010, 12:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Want to know what bites?

When you pick up your mom’s cell phone that she’s left with you in the car, and decide it would be fun to play a video game whilst waiting for said mom, so you connect to the internet and play for 10 minutes until your mom returns,  and when your mom returns and  tells you that she doesn’t actually have web service on her phone, you flippantly say it’s “no big deal”  and you’ll just pay for it when the bill come.

Want to know why it bites?

The bill came yesterday and Mason owes me $87.52.  And I don’t care who you are, no video game is worth $8.75 per minute.



Best Card E-VAR!
February 16, 2010, 1:37 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I received a card from Davie-O for Valentines.  It was, actually, more than I was expecting.  AND, on top of that, I would go so far as to say it’s the best card I’ve ever been given.

Here, let me show you…

SINCE IT’S

VALENTINE’S DAY

AND I BOUGHT YOU

THIS REALLY

ROMANTIC CARD

EXPRESSING

MY LOVE FEELINGS,

YOU PROBABLY WANT

TO MAKE OUT

WITH ME.

(and then you open it up and it says)

OKAY.

That, people, is my idea of an awesome Valentine remembrance.